Musings of a Bereaved Woman
by mattdlover
Summary: Princess Anna had grieved for her husband and brother for 15 years. Can she put aside her feelings of pain when her son asks about them? Follow her on her journey down memory lane. AU


**Disclaimer: All characters recognized do not belong to me. All dialogue recognized does not belong to me. **

**I am not writing for reviews, just for the love of writing. **

Prologue.

Sometimes the idea that we are important is to hard for a person to comprehend, and how just by existing they can change the fate of one person. Or even change the fate of the world. I often muse to myself that, had I not been born, would events carry out the way they did? Or would everything completely change. These thoughts have entered my mind rather frequently over the past few years. Ever since they died. Had I not existed, would they have survived? Would different people have lost their lives? And what bothers me the most, is that, nobody knows. I often think these things when watching my son, at dinner, or just taking a walk. He often asks to hear stories about them, and everytime, I have to decline for my own selfish reasons. The pain I feel is too strong to relive those memories, and that feeling overpowers the knowledge that my son should know. About them. about their lives. Even about their deaths. Maybe today I'll tell him. Maybe I'll tell him tomorrow. It's been 15 years. It's time.

* * *

><p>The four royals sat in silence as they dined. This is how meals often went. The beautiful dark skinned Queen would sit quietly, holding the hand of her King, a handsome man, who while greying, still had flecks of his dark blonde hair showing. While it was clear to see that the Queen loved her husband, it was painfully obvious to those who knew her that she still mourned her first husband. The Princess sat with a solemn look on her face, as she did most evenings, for she too had lost a husband, but unlike the Queen she had not found another to love. And on top of that pain, was the pain of losing her dear older brother. While she was getting on in her years, she still maintained a length of shimmering golden hair, so similar to that of her long dead brother. Her blue eyes that once sparkled with constant laughter, now lay dull, striken with the grief she flt all those years ago. Every now and then she would spare a look at her son and a pang would shoot through her heart as he resembled her lost ones. With golden hair the same as his mother's, he was the spitting image of her brother. But his eyes bought her the most pain, as he bared the eyes of his father. A lover she had lost.<p>

Every meal would be the same. They would eat, bid a quick goodnight and retreated to their own chambers. However, this night was different. After they had bid goodnight, the golden haired Prince followed his mother.

"Mother" he called down the hall to her.

The older woman turned with an expectant expression "Yes my dear?"

"I was wondering, if you could tell me something, anything, about Father or Uncle." He asked quickly.

She sighed and held an arm out to her son "Come to my chambers my boy. It is time you learned." she said in a soothing voice. The Prince walked to her, and they set off down the hall.

* * *

><p>They reached her room and she poured them both a goblet of wine before taking a seat.<p>

"Sit" she said gesturing to the other chair, waiting for her son to sit.

Once he had taken a seat, they sat in silence for a few minutes. She was deliberating on where to start with her story.

"You must understand my sweet boy, that I have not spoken of your father, or uncle, to anyone in the 15 years since they passed. It will be difficult to figure where to start. I suppose I should start with my childhood." She spoke out taking a deep breath.

"My earliest memory, comes from when I was 4 years old. It was a rainy day, and your Uncle had thrown a fit, as he couldn't go and train with the Knights. He was only 6, and he was spoiled. He got all his needs catered to, and everyone did exactly as he said, because he was the Prince. He was often quite mean to everyone, including Father. Everyone except me. On this rainy day, he had shut himself in his room, and shouted at anyone who dare come knocking. I had chosen to spend the day with Father. Now, while my father was a great king, he wasn't the nicest man, and often forgot himself around me. He was in one of his meetings, and I was crying about something or other. I pulled on his sleeve multiple times to get his attention. He got rather angry at that and turned round and shouted 'What do you want?' I was so upset that I ran from the room, and one of the nursemaids had to follow me. I ended up outside my brother's door, and he opened it ready to shout at me, until he saw the tears on my face. He immediately pulled me into his room, without even knowing what was wrong. He tucked us both up in his bed with his favorite bear between us, and that's how we spent the rest of the day." She paused and looked down at the table with a small smile.

"Were you and uncle close?" Her son asked quietly.

"Incredibly close" She replied. "Up until the day he died, if one of us was upset about anything, we'd spend the day tucked up in his bed. It was our little tradition. You see, my darling, your uncle was a great king, but he was also a good man. Kind at heart and all about the people. That is why you are named after him. In the hope, that you will be as good and as wise as he was while he was king"

"Do you believe I can do it mother?" He asked.

"I do. Now, get comfortable. It's time for you to hear the story of Arthur Pendragon, and his knights of the Round Table."


End file.
